In traditional forms of CBT we often talk about changing our thinking or changing our beliefs. On the surface of it, that might sound easy and the CBT mantra of change the way you think to change the way you feel probably oversimplifies the process. In order to change our beliefs or the way we think, and to really truly feel and buy into new beliefs or attitudes and subsequently experience an emotional shift, certain conditions are important.
To illustrate this idea I’m going to use the analogy of a child’s belief in the tooth fairy. This quaint tradition involves leaving a lost milk tooth under the pillow, by morning it will have been replaced by a small token, a coin, and more latterly perhaps, a note (inflation obviously!). The benefits of such a belief are unclear, although it’s been suggested that it might make small children less fearful of losing a tooth. Or perhaps there’s nothing more to it than a fun and magical game that parents play while children are still young enough to enjoy the magic.
Belief change
In any case, this is a belief which we can use as an example of a belief which can change. This belief involves a way of thinking: the tooth fairy is real and visits with a small coin when a tooth falls out. This belief may fly in the face of all the evidence, how does a tiny fairy carry a pound coin, let alone a £2 coin, but it is still believed, because adults around us told us about it. It has a benefit for us, a surprise under the pillow in the morning. The belief also involves certain behaviour, for example the child may go to bed early and stay in bed to ensure the tooth fairy comes, as well as saving the tooth to put under the pillow. As long as the tooth fairy (ie. mum or dad) keep remembering to deliver the goods, the belief is maintained (at least until an age where the child developmentally has suspicions and questions the whole reality).
The steps of changing beliefs and attitudes
In order for beliefs to change, I’d suggest the first step is that you need to be open to the possibility that there is a different perspective to your belief. That there might be another way of looking at things. In the case of the tooth fairy belief, a child might have suspicions themselves that this belief isn’t entirely true, or perhaps a sibling or friend has let the cat out of the bag. Perhaps unwittingly a parent has been spotted placing coin under pillow… A seed of doubt has been planted, opening up a different way of looking at things.
So far so good. At this point, when we know there might be another way of looking at things, we might still hold tightly to this, because this way of thinking is safe and comfortable. What has to happen next?
Looking for evidence might be the next logical step to changing our beliefs or attitudes. On our own, or with support from others, we might explore the evidence for and against our belief. Tooth fairy example: stay up and pretend to be asleep to prove your theory once and for all; survey other people; google for facts on your mum’s ipad when she’s not looking. Then you could draw a conclusion and come up with a more realistic and balanced belief.
At this point, this may be enough, but if you continued to act as if you still believed in the old belief, then things may happen which keep the old belief going. If you continue to put your tooth under your pillow, the tooth may keep being replaced with a coin (after all, who wouldn’t want that to happen?) So to begin to dismantle an old belief, we need to change the way we act too. A child might stop putting a tooth under their pillow or they might talk to their family and admit that they have a different way of thinking now, that while the story was nice, they’re a big girl or boy now and have a new way outlook now.
Acting in accordance with a new way of thinking will really help to uproot an old belief. The belief in a tooth fairy may have served you well as a child (fun, excitement in this case), but, as is the case, with many beliefs, as you move through life the beliefs may come to no longer serve you well. There may be some sadness associated with this growth and learning, but it’s all for the good, if you have chosen a new set of beliefs and attitudes which help you to move forwards in your life.
So to sum up, what relevance does this have for changing the way we think in CBT? Beliefs can change but changing beliefs takes time, persistence and the following:
Be open to flexible thinking, different perspectives
Look for evidence for and against your beliefs; stick with the facts
Challenge yourself to act in new and helpful ways that support your new beliefs
Over time and with repeated action, you can experience a different outcome in situations where you have experienced difficulties.
Ali Binns is a CBT therapist based in Bath. She enjoys writing about therapy and CBT and hopes these posts can help you in your understanding of yourself.